Two Plus One Equates Chaos
by Charlie Quill
Summary: Jodi and Sabrina, two college sophmores from America, are sent back in time to meet the Phantom of the Opera and reside in his dwelling of damp air, cool shirts, and creepy rats.
1. Is it the Ghost?

Author's Note: Hello, hello. This fic was originally meant as an "OMG I'm SORRY! PLEASE FORVIVE MEEEE!" To fellow fic writer and friend IVY who is the amazing authoress of "Winterstar" a HP based fanfic. I must say I do not own Phantom of the Opera or anything else mentioned in this fic that might spring up. SO, without further ado!

Dedicated to Ivy, Star of Isis, Folk, and that one girl from that one place.

_ Chaptah One: Is it the Ghost? _

When she woke up Jodi took it very slowly. She sluggishly wiped at her face, mainly her eyes, and sneezed. Squinting her eyes at the blurry wall she blinked a few times, taking a deep breath through her nose and stretching out under her luxurious blankets. Turning from her left to her right side, she curled into a ball and buried herself into her soft, warm pillows she registered that her alarm clock was not yelling at her, and her roommate wasn't beeping at her either. Life was good.

And then, terribly, a thought rose from the back of her mind, through her fog ridden brain and brought her out of her sleep induced stupor.

No way was her bed this squishy. Groaning, she rolled onto her back and cleared her throat noisily. The bare skin of her legs began to register, as did the feel of something very…nice rubbing against her calves and bare hands. Pushing herself up into a sitting position, she forced her eyes open, the feeling of unease chasing away her feelings of warmth and security.

Picking at the unfamiliar bedding Jodi felt fear take a crash landing in her stomach. Her sheets were not satin, and her scruffy blanket was most definitely not scarlet. Looking around the open space of the room she took in the vintage vanity that stared at her without a mirror, an ugly armoire, and other odd bits of furniture jammed together along the stone wall.

_Stone walls?_ All of a sudden something beside her shifted underneath the covers and let out a long sigh. Frozen in place Jodi watched the covers rustle again before a head popped up from beneath a pillow, and squinted at her sleepily.

"SABRINA!"

The squinted eyes had just begun to open more fully when they winced at her shout. "Ow, Jodi have you been into the coffee before me again? I told you! Not so early!"

And then it started to come back.

Jodi had been visiting Sabrina during a lull in both of their schedules during summer break before they both had to return to college. Their days and nights had been filled jaunts to old sites and lots and lots of writing. Fiction, fan-fiction, and journal entries; the two sophomores had written about anything and everything- going so far as to challenge each other to completing a challenge in a certain amount of time. They'd consumed more coffee, chocolate, chips, and ice-cream than was probably sane, they'd had mock sword fights with a set of Sabrina's older brother's fencing swords like a pair of pathetic pirates, and to top it all had terrorized the neighbor's Pomeranians. Last night, the last night they were going to spend with each other before reality rudely took over their lives, the duo had decided on a film fest sleepover. They chased out Drew, the older brother in question, and had locked themselves up in the basement with food, sleeping bags, blankets, pillows, sketchpads, laptops, and books. Starting at noon the first was Pirates of the Caribbean, then Shrek, Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Corpse Bide, Nightmare Before Christmas, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Ten Things I Hate About You, Harry Potter series, Lion King, Beauty and Beast, Howl's Moving Castle, and finally, FINALLY, they'd just begun to put in the first of many James Bond flicks when ALL OF A SUDDEN.

Rain began to pelt the window viciously.

However, because the nearest window was up two flights of stairs and it was just about three in the morning so both females were dangerous close to burying their heads underneath their pillows and were not in any fit state to notice the way the lamp began to flicker dangerously, the biggest electric storm of the century went by, blissfully unnoticed. Just when Sean Connery was about to embark on some, racy sexual escapade the television set blinked off and sizzled. Both women had fallen asleep by then so they noticed nothing. They did not notice how the television blinked out and they did not notice how really cool, blue bolts of electricity shot out of the electrical outlets and covered the walls with malignant glee. And because they did not notice this, they also missed how their entire world melted into a bright white light before fading into the catacombs of a very old opera house several thousand miles away in France.

So, because they missed the exciting light show, the best friends woke up in an unfamiliar place under the watch of an unfamiliar individual.

"Jodi? Earth to Jodi? Hello? Hellooo? JODI!"

Springing into the air Jodi flattened her short black hair irritably, glaring at her friend. "What?"

"Are you going to get out so we can go explore or should I just crawl over you? Hmmm?"

"Oh."

Jodi flung aside the scarlet and black bedding, recoiling when the cold air sent goose bumps crawling up her bare legs. "Ugh." Pulling up her knee high length socks up from around her ankles she climbed out of the bed and spent a few minutes watching the room spin and tumble before she straightened herself on the cushy rug. "No more twizzler tacos and milk before bed."

"I thought it was frosting and cheetos?" chirped Sabrina, already wandering around the room, inspecting everything carefully.

"You mean you don't have a sugar hangover?"

Sabrina absently combed her long, curly brown hair with her fingers for a moment while looking at the knickknacks and little nothings on top the vanity, "Nope!"

"You disgust me."

"Thank you! Now, how about we go find who's kidnapped us."

"How can you be so…so chipper about this? We've been _kidnapped_."

"Well obviously, if they'd meant us harm they would have us chained us up or something. C'mon, here's the door and it's not locked."

Following Sabrina to the door they cracked it open and peered through the small crack. Nobody came crashing in waving a bloody ax, and taking this as a positive sign, they stepped out into a wide, open room.

"Um, wow. Not what I was expecting."

"Is that a _lake_?"

Stretched out before them was a huge room decorated with rugs and outdated furniture. Candles were everywhere and illuminated the cavern with an eerie light. Long pieces of fabric were stretched out against the room and while it appeared a little gaudy, the atmosphere was very intimate and comforting. Beyond the room was, just as Jodi had noticed, a massive lake of murky water which disappeared into darkness with no candles to light it up.

"Where in God's green earth are we?"

"The bat cave," replied Jodi, taking a deep breath of air which smelled strongly of candle wax, dust, and spices. "I'm dreaming and we've been kidnapped by Batman."

"Hey I know that dream too! Let's see, what happens next? I'm sure it had something to do with flying hamsters. Maybe. Oh my GOD! Jodi, look at that organ!"

As they descended the stairs that led to the bedroom they'd woken up in, a massive pipe organ came into view, set against the stone wall with colossal pipes that stretched the expanse of the wall, glinting in the light of the flickering candles. "Somebody has a fetish for Davy Jones."

"I beg your pardon, mademoiselle."

Both girls, suffice it to say, freaked out. Jumping a good five feet in the air they whipped around and stared in terror as a tall man in black emerged from seemingly nowhere. He wore a very wide brimmed fedora and a cape that fell to about mid-calf. He was still partly in the shadows and they couldn't see much except his hat, boots, and the dark outline of his cap as it swished around his legs.

Clutching alternatively at their throats, hearts, and stomachs, the two friends eventually calmed themselves enough for Jodi to stare at the figure in sudden awe.

"Are you V!" she asked excitedly, her hair flopping into her eyes. Sabrina elbowed her roughly and hissed at her.

"That's not V you idiot! V's from the _future_!"

"Well…you never _know_. It could be V." Turning back to the man in black she looked up at him hopefully. "Well? Are you?"

The figure glared at them with eyes that glowed yellow. "_No._"

Having caught the dangerous undertones in that one, very short word, the two women began to question just how safe they were in this mysterious man's presence. Practically wilting under that powerful gaze that promised bad things they shrank away from his looming form as it swooped towards them quite suddenly.

"Now, what would two, foolish rats be doing wandering about in my cellars? Well? Answer me!"

They friends shared a puzzled glance, "But, uh sir, we don't know how we got into your, um, cellars. We were just sitting there,"

"Half asleep,"

"And the next thing we know is,"

"POOF!"

"We woke up in that bedroom over there."

_So they think they can lie to the magician do they? We will see about that!_ "Tell me then, you've just come down here to make a mockery of me? Or perhaps you think you will return with stories of courage and other, ridiculous fables of brave deeds!"

"Hey! Aren't you listening to us? We don't know how we got here!"

The man nodded and Jodi glimpsed a shock of white glinting in the blackness. "Of course, those who are not the opera ghost do not know the ghost's secrets. It is expected after all."

Both girls' eyes became as large and as round as melons, their hands grasping at each other as the terrible (wonderful?) truck struck them across their foreheads.

"YOU'RE THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!"

If the Opera Ghost had been from the twenty first century, he might've said something like, "Of course, who were you expecting? The Easter Bunny perhaps?" However, he was not from the twenty first century, and therefore had no idea who the Easter Bunny was or what mayhem he represented. So, instead of such a witty remark, he settled on a terrible sneer.

"Of course. And now that you know whose property you've trespassed. Maybe you would like to reveal your own identities?"

"Jodi."

"I'm Sabrina. Pleased to meet you."

"And what is your position in the opera house? Ballet rats? Choir?"

"We tried to tell you that already! We're not… from…" Jodi watched as her friend mentally caught up to what she was saying, the amazement and utter glee radiating from her eyes like super novas. "Holy crap. Jodi, do you know what this _means_? It means we've time traveled!"

"But how? We were sleeping! Don't you have to be conscious or something?"

The phantom snorted indelicately. "You're telling me that two vulgar adolescents managed to accomplish the greatest feat of mankind and they weren't even conscious? And from just what time period did you come from? No proper lady I have ever seen has ever dressed like that."

Jodi and Sabrina each stared at the pajamas of the other. Jodi's long sleeve pullover had a huge neck that drooped off one shoulder to reveal the strap of her cami and olive skin beneath it. Her shorts, high school graduation boxers, cut just above the knee and while one, obedient knee sock had remained stretched over her leg, the other sat puddle around her ankle. Sabrina, by contrast, was wearing a pair of pants, no socks at all, and a cami with a black tank over it. Finished inspecting each other they gave him puzzled looks.

"We're decent!" they protested.

The Phantom of the Opera rolled his eyes behind his mask. "Well, what am I to do with you?" He eyed the both of them while they stared right back at him, their expressions full of hope and excitement. "Dare I even ask if either of you have an idea?"

"We could stay here with you!" If the Phantom didn't already fancy himself a corpse he surely would have dropped dead on the spot. The black haired one, with the exotic features was still staring at him hopefully after her near explosive idea. Her compatriot was equally excited by the idea and was twisted the end of her long brown hair in her hands nervously.

"Please?" added Sabrina.

This simply wasn't done! He was supposed to be the thing nightmares were made of; he distinctly remembered having them under his thumb with fright a minute ago, what on earth had happened? He was fearsome! He was ugly! He had no mortal soul that didn't relish in torture and selfish desire! And then he had it! Because he couldn't just let these two women into his home (it was a ridiculous notion that they should want to stay and very bad manners besides!) so all at once he had the best plot that the situation required.

Bringing his whole body to it's fullest, most menacing height he glared down them with fierce yellow eyes of fire. He nearly had a heart attack when 'Jodi' swooned. _She's probably developed a cold in this drafty prison. _

"Because you have seen too much of my lair and I cannot even imagine the disaster that would await the world if you were to be set loose upon it with no knowledge of society graces; you will both remain here. You will be my pupils in the art of etiquette until such time as I believe you are ready to be release. You are my prisoners here. You will do nothing without first speaking to me and you will NOT attempt to leave."

They both nodded their heads vigorously.

"You will do what I say, when I say it!"

The two obnoxious brats saluted him.

"You cannot visit the surface!"

They grinned at him.

"You …you…will go back to your room."

They skipped, _skipped_ all the way back to spare room he'd kept hidden away for the times when the Daroga had seen fit to be a nuisance. When the door slammed shut he winced. He had set down every harsh rule he could think of, he had leered, he had nearly shouted, he'd glared with his hideous eye! So why then, did he feel as if he had gotten the worst part of the deal?


	2. The New Margarita

_Chaptah Two: The New Margarita _

Jodi and Sabrina did not see the Phantom again for several days. Because of this, a little exploration was in order and if he had so much as two words to string together against them for poking their noses where they didn't belong, well, at least they'd be getting some attention. What did the man think? That they were just going to sit quietly in that stuffy room with ugly furniture and eat the rugs? They might be Persian but Jodi insisted that she would settle for nothing less than Mongolian rugs. The sauces were better.

And so the duo set out for the kitchen only to discover that:

"_Pickles?_ Famed Phantom of the Opera, terror of the arts and he likes pickles?"

Around a mouthful of smelly pickle Jodi smiled wolfishly, "I like pickles."

"Yuck. No wonder he's so thin. Give me those." Snatching the jar of pickles she pointed back at the cupboard. "See anything else?"

"Uh…Dust bunny. Dust bunny. Oh GROSS!" Lurching away from the cupboard, Jodi slammed her head against the kneecap of Sabrina which sent her back onto her bottom, the jar of pickles flying away. Sabrina could swear she heard it crying out, "I can fly, I can fly!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Reaching for the jar really was a futile effort but Jodi clumsily pushed off her knee and reached anyway, watching the huge jar kiss the cold stone floor in a spectacular display of shattering glass.

Turning on her so called friend Jodi could have cried if she wasn't busy shaking with righteous indignation.

"Why did you drop the pickles?"

This really was very unfair to Sabrina who said, "Why did you bang your skull against my knee? I won't be able to walk my future daughters down the aisle at their weddings!"

"Idiot, mothers don't do that; the fathers do! And who'd marry you anyway?"

"Idiot? Who are YOU to call an idiot? And I could get any one I wanted, my mother said so."

"Oh ho! You're mother, huh? And if your mother told you that your father was a… a…a newt! You'd probably believe her too, wouldn't you? Cause he was, you know, you're father was a NEWT! DO YA HEAR ME BROWNIE LOCKS? DO YA? HUH? I curse the day I ever befriended you!"

"Oh yeah? Well, your standards are lax!"

"You smell funny!"

"Well if you hadn't smashed my knee, and crippled me forever I wouldn't have dropped your precious pickles and I wouldn't smell like pickles!"

Sabrina took a very deep breath and Jodi's shoulders drooped. Her head bent forward and her shoulders began to shake.

"Oh come off it; your standards aren't that lax," said Sabrina, lamenting how the pickle juice had covered the expanse of the kitchen floor and their pajamas.

Jodi continued to cry, her shoulder shaking so much Sabrina began to fear something else might be wrong. After all, being ripped from your friends and family and dropped down square in the middle of history where everything goes wrong and pickle jars are smashed could do funny things to people. Make them start to lose it.

"Hey, you okay? Aw, it'll be alright."

Jodi shook her head furiously, making sharp gasping noises from behind the curtain of black hair. As Jodi brushed away her hair and looked up at her, Sabrina was surprised to see her friend on the verge of a hysterical fit of glee. Wordlessly she gasped and laughed, the whole display so ridiculous and Sabrina began to laugh too. Before long the both of them were flat on their backs, covered in pickle juice and laughing so hard it could be assumed that the Queen of England herself could hear the noise.

"I do hate to intrude, but what is going on?" A smooth voice by the door inquired. Like magic the laughing stopped and both women straightened guiltily, their clothes damp and little rivulets of tears running across their face, mingling with the sour juice of pickles.

They made quite an impressive sight.

"A jar of pickles, um, broke," said Jodi, running a hand through her hair and shaking her short locks free of juice.

"Yes, I can see that," intoned the Phantom dryly. "And how did such a tragedy come about?"

"Well, we were looking for food," started Sabrina, standing up and primping at her clothes and pajamas vainly.

"And we found some pickles."

"And then we dropped the pickles."

"Because I found a dead rat being eaten by another rat."

"Oh, that is gross!" Sabrina said, staring at her friend in horror.

"Yes, well, so then I lurched back, smashed her knee cap to pieces with my skull and that's how the pickles got busted."

Everyone was quiet while everyone else digested what needed to be digested. The Phantom reflected on the damage done to his kitchenette; Sabrina kept shooting the cupboard in question furtive glances and meditating on what a carnivorous rat looked like; and Jodi merely wondered what they would do for underwear after this.

The phantom sighed, resigned. "I see." He looked at both of them in turn, Sabrina and Jodi, the cupboard, and the pickles strewn about, the floor glittering with glass. "Go to your room and get out of those clothes before you catch something. There are robes in the vanity, top drawer I believe. I will see about acquiring bathing materials for you both." He sighed again and Sabrina could almost read his thoughts, _Why me?_

Passing through the Phantom's lair Jodi looked at Sabrina with a ridiculous grin on her face. "Do you feel like a margarita?"

Sabrina stared at her. "A margarita?"

"Yeah! Like...a freaky weird pickle margarita!"

"Okaaay. This is me rolling my eyes and pretending you didn't just say that."

"What?"

"A margarita is made of lemon or lime juice. Not pickle juice."

"Well, just think of it as a new margarita."

Sabrina rolled her eyes, "You're mom's a margarita."

"Well you're mother's a hampster and your father-"

"Don't start that again!"

Within their room, stripped of their clothes and wrapped in glorious robes the girls found more than just robes in those drawers. They also found a pair of pants, too long for Jodi but just right for Sabrina, and several shirts which were too big for either of them but that was hardy going to stop them from donning the poet sleeves and ruffles. In the armoire they found dinner jackets and winter coats though they hardly knew the proper places people would wear them too. In a silver box a sea green cravat with silver designs of leaves and vines was laid out perfectly.

As their search extended to every manner of nook and cranny they found shoes, more cravats, masks for parties that were adorned with feathers and paint, several books in French and English both, and drawings. When a muffled sound of glee came from the armoire Sabrina rolled her eyes as Jodi burst out with socks clutched in her hands. "Socks! Socks! Oh my pretties I have you now!"

They also found a small stash of candles, Sabrina made a mental note to ask where the Phantom kept his matches, and a rather large collection of art supplies, a few eye glasses and several hats, each as individual as the last.

At last, when the whole room had been upturned and everything brought into view the two girls each donned a shirt, a pair of pants (though Jodi was practically swimming in hers), and their robes. "Well," said Sabrina, gazing at their gargantuan mess.

"A wishing well?"

Sabrina cuffed Jodi on the back of the head, "Cut that out. Let's go see about that bath he promised."

"Sweet!"

888

Out in the, well, main room as it were, the two girls found the phantom toting about large canvas curtains. He was covered in dust which showed up extraordinarily well on his black cape and fedora and as they watched him jostle it along huge puffs of smoke came billowing out of it, covering him in one fine layer of dust after the next.

"Hi!"

The phantom had a spasm of shock at the cheerful chirp before he glared up at their two frames. "A little help would be nice."

"And get all dusty?"

"What is that thing?"

"Where are you taking it?"

He shut his eyes and wondered if he'd ever been as inquisitive or annoying when he was a child. Surely not. He distinctly remembered being miserable.

His eyes snapping open he growled at them. "This tarp is going over by the two baths I am drawing for both of you. They will create a modicum of decency and propriety; two things of which either of your no absolutely nothing about- Is that my shirt your donning, mademoiselle?"

Both girls nodded and he wondered why he even bothered letting both of these two heathens continue existing when he could just as easily have sent them to the bottom of lake or stung them up for the ballet rats to screech at.

_Ahem. _

"What?" he snapped irritably. Setting up a cubicle for their privacy wasn't easy with indolent adolescents bothering him at every which way.

"Ahem!"

"What? What is it?" He turned to look at them and nearly jumped out of skin, mask or not, when he came eye to eye, nose to mask with them.

"You're muttering."

"I beg your pardon? An Opera Ghost does not mutter."

"Yes," insisted Jodi, "Yes you did! We heard you! You were saying something about murdering us in our sleep and heathens."

He blushed behind his mask. "I would never. Now kindly let me get back to work."

"Okay, but the tubs are over there."

"Tubs?"

"The baths…the things," Sabrina made a vague, waving motion toward the tubs which were in fact, by the far wall.

"Good job," congratulated Jodi, "That was a great use of your college level vocabulary that was. Professor Woodrow would be proud. You remember professor Woodrow, don't you? He was the teacher thing of that one department he taught. Yeah that one. Like that one person, from that one place, at that one time."

_Tubs?_

"Oh."

Before Sabrina could retaliate the Phantom was once again setting up the ugly tarp around the bathtubs and muttering about madness and women.

888

The bath wasn't anything amazing with too little bubble bath and too much lavender bath oils but it was either lavender or run around smelling like rotten pickles which Sabrina argued it was impossible to do because they already smelled rotten. Clean once again, and prancing around in their grand robes the two girls collapsed on either side of the Phantom where he had taken up residence by the organ.

"Thank you, Phantom, that was marvelous!"

"I haven't felt so clean in days!"

"You're the best!"

And without giving it so much as a by-you-leave the two leaned in and kissed him on either side of his leather clad cheeks and then they were gone. He didn't know where they had gone and he didn't really care. He was lost in a whirl of his own thoughts as they staggered into head one after the next.

_They kissed me._

He wasn't entirely sure what to make of this dilemma, if that was indeed what it was. A dilemma. He remembered with mournful anguish the kiss of Christine Daae, how sweet it had been to have her lips against his face. But no, Christine did not live in his mind nor his home- why should she continue to torment his heart as well? NO! What was this all about? Oh yes, the kiss. The kisses! Two! They had not recoiled in revulsion at the feel of his leather face or his inhuman features.

_They kissed me!_

It was true he did not love them; at least, that's what he thought he was sure of. How does one love someone? It seemed impossible to love. Was not love just a bittersweet agony? A despair?

The phantom of the opera sat very still, staring at the ivory keys and tracing them with his long fingers. It could not be that they could love him either. Christine had not love him, she had left him with a kiss. A memory, but a searing one.

No, love was no question at all. They did love him, and he, most certainly, did love them either. So what was it that had transpired? A kiss for a bath? How ludicrous! How insane!

_And just who are you to talk about insane?_ asked a vicious voice from the back of his mind.

I suppose I'm a chief authority. And anyway, that's not what was going on here. This madness had nothing to do with his questionable grasp on reality. He knew what a kiss was. He'd studied it, experienced it; he _knew_ what a kiss was! But what devilry was behind the kiss? This kiss? No, these kisses? For there had been two. Two! Oh but that the Daroga could see him now. Sitting at his organ, the Phantom of the Opera, in a flounder because of two kisses.

"JODI!"

The yell interrupted his thoughts and gathering his senses the Phantom followed the shouts and painful mewlings to the kitchen. There, on the floor was puddle of blood and he followed the smeared trail to the sight of Sabrina hauling a limp Native American girl toward a chair, her foot leaving a fresh trail of blood on his newly polished kitchen floor.


	3. The Mysterious Reason

A/N: Whoo HA! An update, so you people like so far mayhaps? Big girl school starts again on Monday, so beware the lagging updates. But I shall fight valiantly against the real world. MUAHAHAHAHA

And remember, folks, I feed on reviews and flames will be used to burn things. Tee hee.

_Chaptah Three: The Mysterious Reason _

With Jodi carefully placed on their shared bed, her foot wrapped in gauze and liniment, Sabrina watched in awe as the Phantom carefully pulled the blankets over her friends' cold form. His hand, pale as the moon itself, rested for a moment on Jodi's forehead before pulling away and resting at its owner's side.

"She will be fine. A good night's rest and some breakfast will do her good. She lost a lot of blood so she will need liquids to help replenish her. Perhaps a change of bandages would do her good in the morning, and she shouldn't walk about for several days till that cut heals properly." The phantom began to put away his sewing instruments, and left a good deal of gauze and a pair of scissors on the vanity. A bottle of liniment sat on the table next to the bed.

"Make sure to wake her up in the morning. We don't want her to fall into a coma." And with that he was out the door.

Sabrina watched him go until the door clicked behind him. Jodi was pale as death, her lips chapped and Sabrina didn't know what to do. She was a writer for God's sake, not a nurse! She hated to deal with sick people and the idea of getting into bed with her ailing friend sent shivers up and down her spine.

Sitting on the settee that was pushed up against the wall next to the bed Sabrina twirled a strand of her brown hair around her finger and watched all the dust floating around the room in the candlelight. The only sound was the breathing of her friend and the creak of springs every time she moved on her seat.

"Are you going to just sit there and watch me die or are you going to start a monologue on how miserable this makes you feel?" Sabrina jumped violently and toppled off the settee.

"You're awake?"

"No, I'm sleep talking. YES I'm bloody awake. Now help me up, I can't move. What did he do, wrap my entire body in gauze?"

Sabrina helped her friend sit up, placing pillows behind her back to support her.

"No, you've just lost a lot of blood. That makes your woozy, right?"

"Um yeah, unless you replenish yourself with food and water before and after. Like when you donate blood."

Sabrina shuddered, "With needles?"

"Nah, just one needle.'

"Eww, ew, ew, ew…EW!"

"It wasn't that bad. The worst part is when they prick your finger."

"Whoo! New topic thanks!"

Jodi laughed lightly; Sabrina hated needles with a passion. "So how did I get here?" And so Sabrina regaled the story of how after Jodi had sliced her foot open with a piece of glass the Phantom had missed when cleaning up the kitchen, he'd rushed to her, pulled her into his arms, sung the most beautiful melody.

"You know, you can go to hell for lying." Jodi apparently didn't buy the story.

"Well alright, fine. Though he did rush into the kitchen really fast."

"Yeah yeah, go on."

"Um, he noticed the glass kinda poking out of your foot"

"He has brilliant observational skills that one."

"Yes, and he pulled it out, cleaned the wound. Carted you to bed and told me to watch you and stuff. Change your foot thing in the morning, I think he left too."

"Where?"

"Something about breakfast. You need sustenance woman!"

Jodi leaned back on her pillows. "So now what do we do?"

"You are going to go to sleep whilst I, um, read. Or something."

"_Or something?_" mimicked Jodi. "You're going to go exploring without me? Do that and I'll follow you!"

"You can't, the Phantom said you have to stay off your feet!"

"Oh, bugger the Phantom."

"I wish."

"You're being vulgar."

"As opposed to? It is the Phantom we're talking about."

"Spectacular point. Fine, I'll go sleeping. But I'm not going to stand for you exploring while I lay here and die."

"You're not going to die."

"Paging Doctor Sabrina, paging doctor Sabrina! Who do you think you are anyway?" Grumbled Jodi, burrowing underneath her covers and chucking one of the pillows at Sabrina weakly. "Honestly. The roof could cave in on me and it'll be, 'stay in bed, Jodi; the phantom said so, Jodi; you need your rest, Jodi. For the sake of, of, Cheesecake! I'm not twelve!"

"No, you're two and three quarters," snarked Sabrina but Jodi was already passed out. "Fine, pass out, see if I care! Oooh a kitty cat!"

888

When she woke up, as usual, Jodi took it very slowly. This particular morning, afternoon, or whatever time of day it was, she took it even more slowly than usual.

_I feel so heavy, and why am I vibrating? _Cracking open one, wary brown eyes Jodi came eye to eye with something small and fuzzy. "What on ear-?"

Something small and fuzzy decided it was time to step on her bladder. "YIKE!" Something small and fuzzy went flying.

"MRAWR!"

"Ayesha!"

While Sabrina was consoling a very put out blue eyed cat Jodi leaped out of bed and made a mad dash to the lavatory when pain receptors started to kick in and she collapsed to the floor. Miserable, in pain, and not quite awake just yet, Jodi glared from between her bangs at the small ball of fur before sighing gustily.

"Why is it always _me?_" She asked the world at large. Ayesha meowed as only cute, small, fuzzy things can do. Sabrina set her back on the floor.

"Are you going all Neville on me?"

"I like Neville. He's adorable."

"Yeah, in a kicked puppy kind of way. You like Samwise too but you wouldn't want to turn into a very short, fat hobbit with furry feet would you?"

"Can I marry Sam?"

"No, he's taken."

"OH, well then can I be the Other hobbit?" Jodi waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"Ugh. You're impossible, you need help."

"I'm _improbable_ and I _need_ Samwise Gamgee."

"You _need_ to stifle yourself."

"I _need_ to pee, and help would be marvelous thanks."

Sabrina huffed a laugh before helping her friend to her feet, well, foot actually. When she let go, Jodi was standing flamingo style and had craned her neck to look at her with what little dignity she could muster. Wavering a little she set off hopping towards the lavatory once again, cursing the existence of the world while glaring at the lavatory door.

When everything had been settled and everyone was back on the bed, Sabrina changing Jodi's bandages, and Jodi trying to win favor with Ayesha the Phantom of the Opera arrived in the doorway.

"Ah good, everyone's awake. Breakfast won't take but a minute and I can bring it in for the two of you to share. Ayesha, come along we've got to prepare breakfast for our two lovely guests."

When cat and her master had gone Jodi and Sabrina shared a long, open mouth stare. "What happy pill is he on?"

"Suppose something's happened up top? You know, with Christine?"

"I dunno. We still haven't figured out if we're post or pre, and what about which version of Phantom? I mean are we in Kay, Webber, or Movie? That and about a billion others."

"Well we can rule out _Phantom of Manhattan_, and Movie. He doesn't sound or look a bit like Mr. Butler."

"Right. And he's got an Ayesha, so what does that make him?"

"I don't know, I'm not a bloody Lexicon."

"Well, whatever. Perhaps it's best just not to mention anything."

"Good call, but what's made him so disgustingly cheerful?"

"Lord knows. Maybe with some fishing he'll tell us?"

"Worth a try."

But neither of the girls had any chance of interrogation because with a swoop of his cape (everyone present had a mild seizure) he set out a huge tray of food, said 'Good day!' and was gone.

Sharing another look they were soon distracted from their misgivings when the powerful aroma of breakfast reached them. Meats, eggs, fruits, crepes, crème, coffee, and holy freaking heck are those crystal?

888

The truth was, not even the Phantom knew why he was so gleeful. There was no special holiday, there was no drugs involved; he was simply, inexpilicably, and totally happy for no reason! It was absurd really, but he couldn't explain it! He'd awoken that morning, very early, and already feeling cheerful. He'd rushed off with barely contained excitement to buy the breakfast supplies and when he saw his guests; his happy demeanor had increased ten fold.

What was wrong with him? He didn't feel sick. He felt as if nothing was wrong with the world at all which was completely out of character for him! He was supposed to an angst ridden, hate-the-world, brooding type of figure, not this 'let's play a rousing game of musical chairs, play with the kitty cat, and talking an absurdly bright voice!'

It was unheard of. It was unnatural. It was-

…Guests. He had woken up with the idea of a mission to by food for his guests. And because paying for anything usually made him quite the opposite of cheerful, it must be the guests! By Jupiter! He was happy because he had people living with him.

Oh this really was getting stranger by the minute; it wasn't often that the Phantom delved into introspection but now he tore away at his psyche like a man possessed.

Why was he happy he had guests? He hated people on general principle! Ever since Christine- no, nope. Not going down that road. Go back, what was it? Where was the root of this…this…preposterous behavior? Ah, that was it. The shorter one was injured. He was caring for them. He was the master of their well-being and he was in complete control. So it wasn't them, it was the control he had over them. There we go, the world is alright again. No danger of warm fuzzies growing in HIS gut!

Satisfied with this idea the Phantom proceeded to his organ and began to play. He felt as if he hadn't played in a century! Music came to life and thrummed in his veins on out of his finger, onto the keys. The room was alive with music as he swayed this way and that, like the flame of a candle. Yes, yes A CANDLE! He swayed, concentrated, and could have sobbed with the beauty of it.

**_plunk_**

What the?

**_plunk_**!

He growled.

**_plunk plunk plunk_**

Cursing, the Phantom jerked away from his treasonous instrument. Moving the bench, still swearing, he yanked at a latch and inspected the innards of his precious organ. Out of tune, dusty, was that a rat? He pulled away and growled again just because it seemed like the thing to do. This could take a while to fix and he had young people to look out for as well. Well, the shorter one was bound to be in bed for days yet and the other one won't leaver her side till everyone's in tip-top shape. So.

So he'll go first thing to buy some required materials to fix his machine of plunks and dust. Then, with that finished, he could make wonderful music again; lose himself to the serendipity and magic. He would teach those monsters of society to walk and talk like proper young women, and he would go on with his miserable existence, detesting everything and dying of a broken heart. Life would be normal. Life would peaceful.

And that would be that! Naturally fate hates him and the authoress would never allow such a thing to happen so the poor fellow never really knew what hit him.

--

And now, ten minutes after submitting this I'll find some error. Bah! Am I doing ah-ight so far?


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